Dear Plastic Food Containers

Dear Plastic Food Containers,

I would like to commend you on how well you do your job.  You hold my food in nice travel appropriate manner.  You also are easy to clean, but a shout out to the dishwasher is appropriate here.  Overall, when you are working you are a wonderful thing.  At this point I must apologize for sometimes leaving you in the fridge for much too long to the point where that Mac & Cheese looks more like a science experiment.  That can't be fun. 

However, you are often baffling.  You present almost the exact problem that you solve.  While you are great at storing things, you on the other hand, are a nightmare to store.  You rarely stack nicely with other storage containers; don't you like the purple lid?.  You seem to taunt me when the only lid that I need has been somehow swallowed by a wormhole and won't return to this universe until next Tuesday when I no longer need that lid.  If I do happen to find the lid I need it seems as if it has shifted to the bottom of an oddly precarious pile of other containers.  Why do you hate me? Is it the science experiment?  Is it the dark interior of the cabinet?

With that said.  I promise to be better about not growing anything in you if you promise to help me solve your storage issue.

Yours Truly,
Me

Special People

Dear Special People,

I would like to apologize to all "Special" people that I've sworn at in the past few years.  It's obvious that my time is far less important than yours.  I should know that when you cut me off trying to save those extra 30 seconds on the tollway that someones life hangs in the balance. I should actually feel good in that I left those extra six inches between my car and the one in front of me that enabled you to merge into my lane without causing an accident and therefore saving a life.  I hope they came out of surgery OK.

I would also like to apologize for my atitude toward those "special" people that temporarily park in the handicap spot in front of the store without that little sign hanging off your rear view mirror.  I can only imagine the agony you would have endured to walk that extra 50 feet to and from the nearest parking spot. 

Lastly, I would also like to apologize to those people that think it's a good idea to work on their car and rev their engine with a modified exhaust a few houses down at 11pm.  I only called the police because I wanted to get at least 5 hours of sleep.  I imagine that you were only doing this because you were training for your first NASCAR event.

My apologies,
me

Dear DVR Users

Dear DVR users,

I have been troubled by your use of the word tivo to describe your DVR.  I know that you feel that your DVR is the same as other DVRs including a Tivo PVR.  I would like to inform you that this is not the case.  Before you begin to argue I would like to ask you to answer the following questions:

1. Does your DVR allow you to switch tuners without concern of which tuner is currently recording a show?

2. When you fast forward does your DVR backup just a bit to account for your one or two second reaction time?

3. Can you view your guide so that you can view a page worth of shows that are currently on different channels as well as see what's on a single channel for the next 10 or so shows on the same screen?

4. If you've been watching a show for 20 minutes and then hit record, does your DVR start recording from the beginning of the show?

5. Does the DVR menus feel like they were crafted by people with interface design experience and  not like they were thrown together by a handful of monkeys and an Apple II?

6. If a show starts at 8pm and is followed by a show starting at 8:25pm, does it show the name of the 8pm show in the guide?

If you answered yes to all of the above questions then my guess is your DVR is in fact a genuine TiVo PVR and please continue calling it a TiVo.  If you answered no to any of these questions, then please call it what it is.  Just another DVR.

Sincerely,
Someone mourning the loss of his TiVo